


What family is for

by SunSpell80



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Eddie Diaz Is A Good Father, Eddie and Buck's co-dependent bromance, Firefam Feels, Gen, Near-death Experiences, post 3x15, some 3x16 spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:02:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23862739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunSpell80/pseuds/SunSpell80
Summary: A few weeks after being nearly crushed to death 45 feet underground, it comes to Eddie in a sudden, startling realization.He hasn't updated his will since Shannon died.
Relationships: Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Eddie Diaz & Athena Grant (9-1-1 TV), Eddie Diaz & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson (9-1-1 TV), Eddie Diaz & Howie "Chimney" Han (9-1-1 TV), Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), eddie diaz & firefam
Comments: 21
Kudos: 304





	What family is for

**Author's Note:**

> 9-1-1 has been my quarantine binge and oof. The found family feels of this show are through the roof. I love everyone's dynamic so much, so this little piece is just a way for me to explore that. 
> 
> I particularly love showing it from Eddie's perspective, because I love how even though he came in a season into the show he just fit in like a perfect missing piece. Season 2 really did make the family unit of the 118 click into place, with the additions of the Bobby/Athena relationship, Maddie, and of course the Diaz boys.
> 
> A few notes on Buddie:
> 
> I'm in this clown car with the rest of you. If they got together I would be so onboard. However, I sort of read their relationship on the show as more of the "tragically we are both heterosexual" vibe. 
> 
> So basically, this fic could either be read in that vibe, or as a pre-relationship fic. It works either way.

The whole night after being trapped in the hole is a blur. 

He's in the ambulance bundled up under enough shock blankets to heat a village, as Hen carefully monitors his saline drip and checks his breathing every 60 seconds. Buck's pressed up against him on the other side for "body heat" but being careful not to move too much for fear of triggering a cardiac arrest. Instead he keeps pushing a straw of slightly-above-room-temperature hot chocolate to Eddie's lips in case he feels up to drinking it, which honestly Eddie does not, but he finally gives in when they're about a mile away from the hospital because he doesn't want to see Hen and Buck exchange one more concerned glance. He vaguely remembers Buck's tiny whoop of victory.

They have to leave him at the doors at the hospital and then Eddie is whisked away into a land of white lights and needles. All he really wants to do is sleep but nobody will let him. He registers some talk of Extracorporeal blood rewarming and he protests weakly to "keep my blood _inside_ my body please." It ends up not being necessary and all the tubes and needles they end up sticking inside his body work.

A day later, once they've taken all the scary tubes out and he just looks like he's taking a very cozy nap, he lets (read: _begs_ ) Carla to bring Christopher. By that point his entire body hurts - not from the hypothermia, but the _ache_ to see his son again. 

Christopher jumps on his chest and Eddie squeezes tight. 

It hurts, in the best way possible.

He rallies by Friday, through "sheer willpower" as his doc puts it ("Are you sure he didn't mean _sheer bullheadedness"_ Chimney asks and Eddie can hear Maddie's snort through the phone). He polishes his silver star and the story that goes along with it, standing beside Christopher during his son's show and tell, radiating with pride.

Not for himself, or the useless piece of metal that sits encased in a box. But for the way that Christopher's voice stumbles with excitement as he tells his class what the medal means. His son being proud of him is all that he needs.

A boy in the middle raises his hand. "Do you ever wear it?"

Eddie has to stop himself from laughing. "I'm not really a jewelry kind of guy. Except for this." He pulls out his necklace from his jacket, remembering. "My Saint Christopher medal."

"So that's your good luck charm?" Ana asks sweetly.

"No." Eddie looks down at Christopher, who grins back at him. "He is."

* * *

He gets a week of medical leave, which is a little excessive in Eddie's opinion.

Eddie makes the mistake of saying so during a phone call with Buck.

There's a deep inhale on the other end and Eddie instantly regrets everything.

" _Excessive._ A week is excessive to you?"

"Are we really doing this?"

"No no no, you're right, a whole week!" Buck's voice is full of mischief. "Talk about overkill. Man, how will you _survive_ the boredom? Oh I know - _Nailed It_ just came out with a new season, maybe you should check that out."

"Do you have to keep rubbing it in?" Eddie complains, shuffling over to his fridge and grabbing a beer. Yeah, it's the middle of the day, but he's not going anywhere and Christopher won't be back for hours. "Forget I said it."

"Hey Eddie, you know what you should do?" There's too much anticipation in Buck's voice and Eddie sighs preemptively. "Y'know, you should just _get over it._ "

"Ha."

"Stop _feeling sorry for yourself!"_

"Okay, okay, point taken." Eddie makes his way to the couch. "Here. I am sitting my ass on the couch, and will watch cooking shows and stop complaining." 

"Oh man, I don't know. How are you going to keep that up for a whole _wee_ -"

"I'm hanging up now."

* * *

There's a banner and a cake waiting for Eddie when he gets back to work, which should embarrass him more than it does. 

The cake has a pair of scissors cutting a rope and it reads "Welcome Back Dumbass!" 

Eddie looks up into Chimney's overly-amused face. "You know it was a knife, not scissors." 

"I thought this would be more symbolic." He nods at the banner. "Unfortunately, we don't know how many times you evaded death before you came to us, so we just guesstimated."

Eddie snorts. "I don't think it's that far off." 

He's "man behind" that day, which Buck is just a _little_ too enthused about, all-but sticking his tongue out at Eddie as he skips off to a call. Hen is a bit more sympathetic, giving him a shoulder squeeze as she follows Chimney to the ambulance. Bobby gives him a nod on his way past.

It doesn't sting all that much - it's just protocol and as much as Eddie has been itching to get back out there, it's a little comforting to know that he's guaranteed to make it home in time for dinner with Chris. The only thing he doesn't love is his team being out there without Eddie able to watch their backs.

He keeps himself busy, cleaning equipment and tidying things up until the place is spotless. He's wiping down their remaining engine and trying not to look too hard at the banner, but it keeps creeping into his vision.

Eddie: 1000, Death 0.

The right side number only has to go up one digit, and he loses.

It's a thought he's had before, but for whatever reason, sitting alone in the fire-station with nothing but his thoughts, it really hits him today.

He's been close to death so many times. When he'd been down in the hole, all he'd really been able to think about was Christopher. Coming home to Christopher. 

But what would Christopher do if one day, he doesn't?

* * *

Eddie taps his finger against the touchpad, his other hand trying to massage out the headache that rapidly forms as he reads through the papers his lawyer sent over at his request.

 **Last Will and Testament of Edmundo Diaz**.

There's other papers as well. The LAFD's emergency contact papers. LAFRA's Designation of Beneficiary. 

All of them point to the same person. 

_Shannon Diaz_.

He didn't update any of them after Shannon died. His parents had brought it up, but he'd been angry with them for trying to make him and Christopher move back to Texas, even going so far as to imply that they would raise Christopher themselves. Eddie had pushed back hard, saying that Christopher had a life in LA, a family here.

And he was right. Even beyond Abuela and Aunt Pepa, there was Carla, and the 118. Christopher has blossomed here with his school, with his teachers, and his friends. His son has never been happier and his future has never seemed so bright. 

The logical thing to do is to replace Shannon's name with his parents'. They love Christopher and had all-but raised him while Eddie was in Afghanistan. But they'd aged so much just in those few years and Eddie knows it was the weight of caring for Christopher. They love him so dearly and would never admit that he is a burden. Chris is too smart not to sense it though. He would feel it and it breaks Eddie's heart.

It also breaks his heart to think about Chris having to move back to Texas. Not just because people here are more accepting of people who are a little different - but because Chris loves it out here so much. He hates the idea of uprooting Chris again.

But Abuela isn't in any condition to take Chris in. And Aunt Pepa doesn't have the time to give. His sisters are too far away, their lives too full. His parents are too worn down. There isn't anyone in Eddie's family that he can think of raising Christopher without diminishing Chris's life, even though it would be unintentional.

At least... anyone in his _blood_ family.

* * *

"So how is Nia doing?"

Hen's smile is tired but glorious. "She's adjusting so well. And Denny's been so sweet. He loves being a big brother."

"So all your worrying about him not being able to share was..."

"Unfounded, at least for now." 

They're only at the beginning of the shift and Hen already looks so exhausted. Eddie wishes he could say he remembers how she feels, but having missed out on Chris's toddler years - it tugs at his guilty heart strings to even think about it. 

"And how are you doing?"

"Tired." Hen acknowledges with a shrug. "And a little guilty, since Karen's having to do most of the heavy-lifting, working from home."

"Hey you're still there." Eddie assures her. "Trust me, it counts."

"What about you?" Hen turns it around in her typical selfless manner. "You feeling back up to 100 yet?"

Eddie nods, counting out the number of gauze rolls and making a mark on his inventory list. "Physically, yes."

"And... mentally?" She prods.

"Been doing a lot of thinking. I almost died down there and it's not something I plan on doing again anytime soon... but this is a risky job. And I'm a single father."

Hen's eyebrows shot up. "Is this about Chris's teacher?" She asks excitedly.

"What - how'd you even -" He's going to kill Buck. "No, I'm not trying to date right now. I've just been thinking about what will happen with Christopher if, y'know. If I don't make it home one day. I haven't updated any of my paperwork since Shannon..."

"Oh." She exhales, sitting on the ambulance bench next to him so that she can restock the medication - and offer emotional support, Eddie was sure. "What about your parents?"

"Thought about it and I just don't think it's the right fit." Eddie admits. "I don't know if they have the energy to give him everything he needs. And I hate to think about him getting uprooted again. He's doing so well here, he's happier than he's ever been."

"So... you want him to stay here." Hen nods, as if that made sense to her, and Eddie relaxed. She's the first person he's floated this idea by and he's relieved that it doesn't make him sound crazy. "I gotta ask... you know Karen and I have so much love to give. And I love Christopher to pieces. But with Nia and everything-"

"No, I know." He reassures her quickly. "I wasn't going to ask you Hen - not because you wouldn't be amazing, but because I know your hands are full. I was actually... I was thinking about asking Bobby and Athena. Just wanted to know what you thought, since you're so close with Athena, and you've known Bobby for longer than I have."

Hen relaxes. "Well that is an interesting idea. I definitely think they'd be open to it. But I can't say for sure.

"I know it's a lot to ask." Eddie admits. "Which is why I'm trying to gauge before I bring it up with them. I don't want to put pressure on them - you know since Bobby feels responsible for all of us... and so does Athena, actually."

"You know, Bobby used to say that we weren't a family, just a co-workers." Hen chuckles. "But we wore him down eventually. So yes, I'm sure he would want to say yes just because he loves you and Chris. But that's the point isn't it? We're family. We take care of each other. And trust me... there's more than one way to be a family."

Eddie nods, glancing down at his list. "Thank you, Hen. I'm going to grab some more supplies from the stock room."

"Oh, and Eddie?" Hen calls after him after he jumps out of the ambulance. Her face is serious. "Even if it doesn't work out with Bobby and Athena... if anything does to you, Chris will always have us."

"I know. Thank you."

* * *

Eddie isn't sure of the right time to broach the subject with Bobby. Or even _how to._

The irresponsibility of waiting itches at his skin, especially after they have a dangerous call. It's a huge, historic apartment building that goes up in fire in downtown LA. The fire is being managed, barely, when they realize that there's a deaf woman trapped near the top floor. 

Eddie's been grounded to "support" for any risky maneuvers, so of _course_ Buck eagerly suggests that they do a rope rescue. The two of them race to the roof of the next door building, making the jump with what could charitably called "grace". Eddie's on winch duty and they've almost successfully pulled it off when the flames start getting too close on the roof.

Tying off the rope to leave his partner to lower himself down from a burning building goes against almost every instinct Eddie has - except one. Christopher.

The roof starts caving in and Eddie barely makes it back to the other building before it collapses behind him. 

By the time he makes it to the ground so has Buck and the woman, although the giant airbag that's been inflated in the street is proof that their landing wasn't as smooth as Eddie would've hoped. They're absolutely swarmed with news reporters.

Buck is still riding the high by the time they get back to the firehouse, rallying all of them to go out and celebrate. 

"Wish I could man, but Christopher's hosting his first sleepover tonight. You're more than welcome to come and celebrate with a bunch of 9 year olds," Eddie jokes. As excited as he is for Chris, he's definitely not looking forward to the headache... or the mess. 

"We will toast your absence." Buck waves him off and Eddie takes his cue. 

And if rushing out means that he's once again missing an opportunity to talk to Bobby one-on-one? Pure coincidence.

* * *

"... But then of course the bobcat is just glaring them down, so then Red says he starts making these _meowing_ noises at her, to calm her down. Which - did you know that cats don't meow to each other, they only do it when they're kittens but then if they live with people they do it when they're older too because _people_ think it's cute. But anyway, bobcats _definitely_ don't meow, so Red switches to purring - and it actually fucking starts purring back at him! Can you believe that? The guy's hilarious."

"Should I be jealous?" Eddie asks in bemusement as they carry the jaws of life back to the rig. Buck shoots him a confused look. "Of your new best friend."

"Oh. You know what, _yes_." Buck wiggles a finger at him. "You should, because I'm going to start asking Red to hang out with me since he won't ditch me for sleepovers and date night."

"Hey, it's not my fault our entire team schedules date night on the same night."

"Yeah. The night we have off. How was the sleepover by the way?" 

"Oh, the sleepover was great." Eddie replies, shutting the side panel of the rig with a slap against the side. "Not that there was much _sleeping,_ if the giggling in the middle of the night, my Netflix watch history, and Chris's unwillingness to get out of bed all weekend is anything to go by."

"Did he do the thing he does where he buries himself under his comforter and pretends that he's dead?"

Eddie shoves him lightly in the shoulder as they climb into the engine. "Yes - and I like how you say _the thing he does_ like he didn't pick that up from _you_."

Buck rolls his eyes good-naturedly, switching on his comm. "Fair point. So what ended up working - good cop or bad cop?"

Eddie puffs his chest with as much _machismo_ as he can muster. "What do you take me for?"

Buck nods. "So... you caved and let him sleep in?"

" _No..._ We compromised and spent the day watching movies on the couch."

Buck barks out a laugh. "Man that kid has got you wrapped around his finger."

* * *

It turns out, Eddie doesn't have to worry about Buck abandoning their friendship for the old firefighter that he met at the bar.

Less than a week later, John "Red" Delacroix dies at the age of 72, from respiratory complications due to Mesothelioma.

Maddie reaches out to Eddie with a simple request - _can you make sure Buck's not alone tonight?_

Eddie doesn't even need to ask why - he just fires back an immediate - _absolutely -_ and immediately rallies the crew with a call to hit the bar after their shift.

"Thank you." Maddie says quietly, after Chimney runs off to the bathroom, leaving her and Eddie alone in a quiet booth. "This really hit him hard - not just Red's death, but his _life_ and how empty it was and Evan... he's terrible at asking for help, but I think he's been really lonely. He's just... really good at hiding it."

"I know." Eddie looks at his best friend from across the bar, talking Bobby and Albert's ears off. "Mr. Social Butterfly."

Maddie laughs. "He was actually a shy kid once, actually. Our parents were sort of not around. And even when they were they were... still not really there. Then he went to high school, had a growth spurt, starting playing sports, and people started paying attention to him for the first time. And he just really latched on to that. He's got this need to be loved, it's almost pathological."

It's not anything that Eddie didn't already know, even if he's never heard it outright. It wasn't hard to figure out - Buck talked about anything and everything except his parents. 

"Not that I can really say much, since I left and got married when he was so young." Maddie admits. "And was barely there after that."

"You can't blame yourself for that." Eddie assures her softly. He doesn't know much about Maddie and Doug's relationship, but he knows how abusive relationships work. One of the first things abusers do is isolate the victims from their loved ones, so that they don't have anyone else in their life but their abuser.

Maddie shrugs, nodding her head. "I know I shouldn't, but I do. Anyway, every time I saw him again it was like seeing a different person, we'd go so long without seeing each other. But he was always the same sweet kid. Just... louder. And louder. Every time."

At that exact moment Buck's deafening laugh bellows from across the room.

Eddie and Maddie make eye contact.

Chimney rejoins them moments later, both of them hunched over in peels of their own laughter. 

"Okay, what'd I miss?"

* * *

Christopher has reached a newfound level of independence that makes Eddie proud and his heart hurt at the same time. This is the _third_ sleepover this month and Eddie feels Chris's childhood slipping through his fingers. Pretty soon he'll be a pre-teen and god knows whether or not Eddie will be prepared for the struggles that come with that new territory.

Hopefully, he'll never have to deal with a scene like _this_.

Chimney covers his eyes with his hand. "Albert, it's 8 pm. I thought we agreed you would wait until I was asleep - or get a _hotel, damnit_."

Albert and the half-naked girl behind him scramble for their clothes. "I thought you had a shift!" He hisses.

"I _did_. It _ended_. And I invited Eddie over for a post-work drink. So how about you and your friend go out to a club or something and come back when I'm asleep."

"So 9 pm?" Albert snarks.

"Get _out_."

Eddie watches him go with amusement. "Fatherhood suits you."

Chimney points an accusing finger at him. "You take it back. I'm the cool older brother. Encouraging him to go to clubs. My father would _kill_ me if he overheard that conversation."

"Is that something that you and Maddie are thinking about?" Eddie asks curiously, snagging a beer from Chimney's fridge. He and Chimney don't normally do this, but Maddie and Buck were off doing some "sibling bonding activity" that Eddie is suspicious had something to do with the _Mean Girls_ tickets he'd seen stashed in Buck's locker. So, with Christopher at the aforementioned sleepover, and their normal partners in crime hanging out together, Eddie and Chim are taking the opportunity to keep their own bromance alive.

Chimney sighs. "Why does this question keep coming up? Is it because we're older and more distinguished? Or is everyone counting down until Maddie's biological clock stops ticking?"

"Nah man." Eddie protests. "You two just seem like you're in a really good place. And you'd make good parents. Whenever and _if ever_ you guys decide to do so. Besides, biology hasn't got anything to do with it."

"Hmm." Chimney gives him a critical eye. "Is that what this is about? Did you ask Bobby and Athena about Christopher and they said no, so now you're asking your second choice?"

Eddie actually does a double-take. "What no, I haven't asked yet - did Hen tell you?"

"Of course." Chim shrugs. "What were you expecting?"

"A little privacy, maybe."

Chimney claps him on the shoulder. "Shoulda joined a less gossipy firehouse. You know this."

"So... does everyone know?"

"Umm... not Bobby, I'm pretty sure. Though I don't know why you've waited so long to ask him."

Eddie groans, resting his head on the counter. "Great, thanks. And I don't know... I'm just waiting for a sign that it's the right thing to do. I don't want to put any pressure on them." 

"Well, I hate to break it to you, but Bobby is a much stronger choice than me." Chimney admits reluctantly. "Not that I don't love your kid like crazy, but we're just not there yet. We don't even know if we want kids - or if we'll even stay together. And then Christopher would be stuck with just me, which I don't think I need to tell you wouldn't end well."

"I think you deserve a bit more credit than that." Eddie assures him. "And your relationship with Maddie does too. I think you guys have it."

A smile creeps across Chimney's face. "Yeah, I think so too. But still - you should ask Bobby. He's like, the primo Dad. He's so great with May and Harry." 

"You're right." Eddie sighs. "Alright. First thing next tomorrow, I'll talk to him."

* * *

It's been over a month since Eddie's near-death experience and he still hasn't breathed a word to Bobby. 

Literally everyone else knows now. Even John - who he's said maybe ten words to in two years - asks him "how did it go?" after Eddie comes out of Bobby's office.

Eddie: "I was asking him if I could have next Tuesday off."

"You know," Buck comments, as Eddie's eyes track Bobby's movement across the firehouse while they're rolling up hoses. "I think the problem is that Bobby has spent like, zero one-on-one time with Chris."

Eddie glares at him in disbelief. "Thank you. Reassuring."

"I just mean that obviously they know each other really well and, c'mon, Chris loves Bobby and who the hell doesn't love Chris?" Buck corrects, setting down his hose in a mildly-tangled mess. "But Bobby's never watched him for a day, or a night even. How're you supposed to feel comfortable asking him to be his legal guardian if he's never looked after him before?"

Eddie considers this. "That's... a fair point actually."

"Don't sound so surprised."

Hen walks over. "Surprised about what?"

"Buck had a thought."

Hen gasps in mock shock. "I missed Buck's thought of the week?"

"Fuck you both." Buck snaps, genuinely annoyed. "Look man, just come up with an excuse to go away for a day and ask Bobby and Athena to watch him. Stop dragging this out." 

He walks away, abandoning the firehose.

Hen looks down at it. "Boy, you better come back and finish this, because I won't!" She called after him.

* * *

It takes a bit of coordinating, but Eddie manages to find a way to get Bobby and Athena to watch Chris on a day when he knows they're both off. Chimney takes the fall for it, "arranging" a captain-less team-bonding experience. Bobby is crestfallen when Chimney explains the situation to him, but Eddie comes in quick with the rescue:

"Actually, Bobby, it was my idea. I was sort of hoping that you and Athena could watch Christopher. He hasn't really been over to your place before and he's been wanting to get to know Harry better - but I didn't want to leave Athena alone with them. Chris can be a handful."

It's only a half-lie, since Chris _had_ been asking if he could hang out with Harry, in spite of Harry's older age. But Eddie was certain that Athena was more than capable of watching both of them, plus a whole army of eight-year-old boys.

Bobby's smile comes back a bit - he still looks a little disappointed, but only moderately. "Oh, okay. Yeah, we'd be happy to do that for you Eddie, I'm sure Harry will have fun. Where are you guys going?"

"Camping." Hen says at the same time Buck says "Disneyland."

Chimney looks like he wants to strangle them with his bare hands.

"We are going camping in Anaheim, _near_ Disney, so we can watch the fireworks. We are _not_ going to Disneyland, because that would be too expensive."

Bobby looks confused. "So you're going... to an RV park near Disney? Do you guys have an RV?"

"Nope, just Eddie's truck." 

"Okay." Bobby is still befuddled.

The day comes, and Christopher is not as excited as Eddie hoped he would be. Getting him into the car is an adventure, and he pouts all the way to Buck's apartment, arms folded. 

"Why can't I come with you?" He grumbles.

"Because Buddy." Eddie explains for the millionth and tenth time. "This is a team bonding experience. And you're gonna have your own fun day with Bobby and Athena and May and _Harry!_ You really like Harry, he's your friend right?"

"You're my friend." Chris replies, and oh doesn't that just make Eddie's heart soar, even if it is a little inconvenient right now.

He slows down outside of Buck's apartment, who they're picking up because he's on the way between Bobby and Athena's. Chris sits up a little straighter and giggles when Eddie taps out "Shave and a Haircut" with the horn. 

Buck comes bounding out of his apartment. "P. _U_." He replies with a grin, as he slides into the front seat, immediately turning his attention to Christopher and plugging his nose, who giggles even louder. 

"No, no, you're supposed to say 'two bits!'" Chris corrects.

"What? No, it's ' _Skunk in the Barnyard, P.U.!_ Eddie, what kind of military cr- garbage are you teaching your kid?" Buck rounds on Eddie with mock outrage. 

"It's shave and a haircut, two bits. That's the origin." Eddie corrects him. 

"That's zero fun." Buck turns back to Chris. "It goes _skunk in the barnyard, p.u. Who did it come from? Not you-"_

"I am absolutely sure that's not right." But neither of them are paying attention to him.

" _Ninety-nine bottles of pop on the wall,_ " Chris starts singing, clearly not recognizing Buck's song but not wanting to miss out on the fun.

Oh god no.

" _Ninety-nine bottles of pop!"_ Buck chimes in, catching on with a wicked look in Eddie's direction. " _Take one down, pass it around!"_

"I'm begging you." Eddie hisses under his breath, so that only Buck can hear, but Buck just starts singing louder, which only makes Chris sing louder.

 _"Ninety-eight bottles of pop on the wall!_ "

By the time they get to Bobby and Athena's house, they're down to 67 bottles and Eddie's last nerve. He's expecting a struggle to get Chris out of the car, but Buck jumps out of the car and leads the way to the door, so the struggle is more to get Chris to _slow down_ on his way out of the car.

Athena opens the door with her "mom" smile on. "Hey Christopher, how are you?"

"We have sixty-seven bottles of pop on the wall!" Chris shouts excitedly, drawing in a deep breath.

Athena's gaze flits to Buck with an _I'll kill you_ expression, so Buck quickly intervenes.

"Hey buddy, why don't we hold off on that until we hang out again? I want to finish the game with you!" 

"Okay." Chris sighs, looking only mildly disappointed. 

"Be good for Athena and Bobby, okay?" Eddie ruffles his hair. "And have lots of fun with Harry!"

Chris perks up at the mention of the older boy. "Okay. Bye Dad! Bye Buck!"

He walks past them into Athena's house.

"Thank you." Eddie sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I hope it's not too much trouble." 

"Stop." Athena waves him off. "We're family, this is what family does. Go have fun... camping... at Disney." She shakes her head, closing the door behind them.

Buck cocks his head. "Why does no one believe that's what we're actually doing?"

* * *

They do, in fact, go camping at Disney. 

It turns out to be more fun that it sounds - they spend the day drinking beers and telling each other stories from their past lives. Chimney and Hen have the most to say since they have most life experience, although Buck makes up for his lack of years with... life experience. Eddie stays mostly quiet because he doesn't have much to offer beyond war stories, although he does end up opening up a bit about his high school experience more than he has before. 

"I was such a bad kid." He admits with a laugh. "I can't believe my parents put up with me."

"I refuse to believe that, Captain America." Chimney shakes his head. 

"No, really. I was a pothead."

"That's not _that_ bad." Hen protests, while Buck gapes. 

"You were a _pothead?"_

"Like you're one to judge." 

"Shows what you know, Chim, I've _never_ smoked pot."

"Not even when you were a South American bartender?"

"Nope." Which quickly devolves into an aggressive game of "never have I ever."

"Never have I ever slept with my therapist."

"Never have I ever stolen a firetruck."

"Never have I ever walked in on my sister in the shower."

"This is starting to feel targeted," complains Buck, hiccuping slightly as he drinks for the umpteenth time.

Hen pats his arm. "It's only because you're such an easy target." She assures him with mock-empathy. "Here, this one's for Eddie. Never have I ever beaten anyone up."

Eddie rolls his eyes and takes a good-natured swig of his S. Pellegrino (he's driving). Buck groans and drinks as well. Hen shrugs.

"Hey, I tried to save you. That one's on you."

By the time the fireworks start, Hen and Chimney are pretty rowdy.

Buck, meanwhile is _wasted_. 

"Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, look how pretty the sky is!" He insists, pulling incessantly at Eddie's arm. "Too bad Chris isn't here."

"Yeah, he loves fireworks." Eddie agrees. "I've actually been thinking about taking him here."

"To go camping near Disney?"

"No, to go _to_ Disney. I think he's big enough to handle it. His birthday is coming up in a couple months."

"Oh yeah, I bet he'd love that." Buck nods exuberantly. "He had a great time when I took him to the Pier - well, y'know. Before." He stops talking abruptly, pulling away and hunching in on himself. "Sorry." He mutters.

Eddie, who is too familiar with how quickly excitable!Drunk Buck can turn into sad!Drunk Buck, turns his attention from the admittedly spectacular firework show toward his best friend. "Sorry for what?"

"Didn't mean to bring it up. The elephant."

"It's not an elephant," Eddie can't help but be exasperated. "We've cleared the air on this like what, twenty times? I don't blame you for getting stuck in a natural disaster. Christopher is alive because of you."

"Partially." Buck mumbles into his folded arms. "Mostly because of that Maria lady."

"You mean the woman who found him after the backflow? I'm grateful to her too. But she didn't save him from drowning." Eddie tugs on Buck's arm until he finally looks up at him. "You remember what I said, right? There's nobody I trust with Christopher -"

"More than me, right." Buck's voice is flat. "I remember."

Try as he might, Eddie can't shake Buck out of the funk he's fallen in for the rest of the night. Chimney and Hen are both too drunk to notice, chattering his ear off on the way home, while Buck sulks in the front seat, turned away from all of them.

Buck's his last stop of the night. Eddie parks the car on the street outside the apartment and waits. Buck turns to him, like he wants to say something. Then his eyes drop.

"G'night." He mutters, making a swift exit out the car.

* * *

Athena and Bobby have nothing but warm words and praises about how Chris was and seem eager to have him back again. Christopher is talking a mile a minute when Eddie picks him up, about how much fun they had. All in all, the experiment could definitely be considered a success.

So why does Eddie feel like he's walking through molasses when he drags himself up to Bobby's office on Monday morning?

"Hey Cap... you got a second?"

Bobby smiles at him with infinite patience. "Of course Eddie. What's going on?"

Eddie takes a seat. "Well I wanted to thank you again, for watching Chris on Saturday. I really appreciate it - and I hope I didn't put you guys out." 

"Never." Bobby assures. "I hope you guys had fun."

"We did. Truth be told, I'l glad I got a chance to get Christopher out of the house. He's been trying to be more independent recently and I've been doing my best to encouragement." Eddie laughs. "It's definitely harder on me than it is on him."

"You're doing a great job. I know it can't be easy to let go a bit."

"Well, I'll never be able to completely let go." Eddie inhales. "CP... it's a lifelong commitment. He'll never be completely independent, much as he might want to. He'll always need some extra help. He might even need to always live with me - and even if he doesn't, he'll need a home-aid. And... I'm not really looking forward to having to explain that to him, when he's ready."

"Are you thinking about having that conversation with him soon?" 

"Not really, no. I've sort of been grappling with something else." Eddie admits. "Ever since the tunnel collapse, I've been thinking about what would have happened to Chris if I hadn't made it back. If I'd died down there."

Bobby nods, a light of understanding in his eyes. "He'd be looked after, Eddie. We'd make sure of it."

"I know that financially he'd be okay. I've got savings, he's already got a trust fund from... from Shannon. And there's the LAFRA. He'd be okay. But I just don't think that leaving him with my parents would be the right choice for him. Especially not with the whole lifetime commitment aspect of it." 

"Christopher is _everything_ to me." Eddie explains, his heart aching at just the thought. "And If anything happens to me, I want to make sure that he doesn't end up someone's... addition. He's so smart, I don't want him to ever feel like he's a burden."

As he says it, Eddie knows that's why he hasn't been able to ask Bobby or Athena. They've already got their family. Bobby's already got his second chance. He doesn't want Christopher to be anyone's afterthought.

"Maybe it's unrealistic... but I just want him to be someone's everything."

* * *

They get called out when their shift is nearly over and Eddie curses as he hops into Ladder 118. He's going to be late picking Christopher up from school and on top of that, his phone is dead. 

"Can I borrow your phone?" He asks Buck, who hands his over without a second thought.

Eddie doesn't have the number memorized so he hops over to safari. It's already open to a tab showing an apartment - it's not as nice as Buck's current apartment, just a single story simple two-bedroom apartment on the first floor of a building in Glendale. Definitely not Buck's scene at all.

"You're looking at an apartment?" He questions, waving the phone. Buck looks up, and flushes for some reason.

"Just browsing."

"You love your apartment."

"Yeah, but it kinda sucked when I hurt my leg, you know? The loft isn't very crutch-friendly."

"Are you anticipating being crushed by another ladder truck?"

"Nah man, just browsing like I said."

Eddie shrugs and clicks on the google search bar.

He doesn't mean to snoop on Buck's search history (not going through another man's search history is definitely an unspoken rule of "guy code"), it just pops up without him meaning to. 

_home modifications for cerebral palsy_

_cerebral palsy parental support_

_raising kid with cp_

_does cerebral palsy affect puberty_

_disneyland cerebral palsy_

The most recent searches jump out at him instantly and Eddie nearly drops the phone. He almost wishes that it _had_ been porn.

"What?" Buck shouts through the comm. They've attracted John and Ramirez's attention. Eddie can barely get his thoughts wrapped around what he just saw, but he knows now is _not_ the time to have this conversation.

"Went over a bump." Eddie mutters, typing in Chris's school into the search bar. 

* * *

They're lingering behind in the locker-room after the shift. Eddie should be rushing to the school to pick up Christopher, but he's already in the after-school program at this point - and he really needs to talk to Buck about this. He feels like electricity is prickling under his skin.

Chimney is taking his sweet-ass time changing his shirt, but Eddie shots him a _look_ and Chimney finally catches on, throwing on his shirt with such haste that it's definitely inside out.

"See you guys tomorrow!" He shouts, rushing out.

Buck looks after him in amusement. "Where's the fire?" He shrugs on his own shirt more leisurely, shutting his locker and preparing to follow.

"I gotta ask you something." Eddie interrupts, and Buck sits back down on the bench with a questioning look.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"That apartment you were looking at... it's like six blocks from Chris's school."

"Uh, yeah. I guess it is." 

"And it's one story, on the ground floor. Better for someone with crutches."

Buck folds his arms, looking a bit defensive. "Still waiting on the question?"

"Are you... is that to make it easier for Chris to live with you? Do you _want_ Chris to live with you?"

An obstinate look crosses Buck's face. "Why would I want that? He lives with you - he's your kid."

"Okay, you know what I mean. If something happens to me, do you want to raise Chris?"

Buck stares at him for a long time before exhaling heavily. "That's not really the point is it? It's about what you want Eddie. And you want Bobby and Athena and their little nuclear family - you've made that pretty clear. It doesn't matter what I want, it's about what's best for Christopher."

"Woah, hold on. I had no idea you would want that. You didn't say anything!"

"You went to Hen and to Chimney and said you were going to ask Bobby - what was I supposed to say? 'Hey Eddie, I know that Bobby and Athena have a great stable home but I really love your kid and want to raise him if you die'?"

"Yes." Eddie insists stubbornly.

Buck scoffs. "If you wanted me to, you would've asked. But you don't and I get it okay? Bobby and Athena are what's best for Christopher."

"Maybe. Maybe not. But honestly... I didn't think you'd want to Buck."

Buck's eyes flash with hurt. "You know I'd do anything for Chris."

"Yes." Agrees Eddie. "And you'd say yes if I asked. You'd drop everything for Christopher. But you're so young."

He rolls his eyes. "I'm only five years younger than you."

" _I_ was young when I had Christopher. I wasn't ready. And believe me, I love that kid to death and I wouldn't trade my life for anything. But he's my whole world Buck. And if something did happen to me and you had to be his guardian - he'd be your whole world and your life as you know it would be over. Bobby, Athena, hell even Hen, Chimney, and Maddie... they've already lived their twenties and their thirties and they're either settling down or already settled. Christopher would be an adjustment for them but it would be completely life-altering for you."

Buck nods, taking everything in. "And what about Christopher?" 

"What do you mean?"

"This is about Christopher, right? What do you think would be most life-altering for him? Moving into Bobby and Athena's house? Getting two new adopted siblings, a police-officer mom and his dad's boss as his new dad?" Buck challenges with a quiet conviction. "A whole family who, by the way, know almost _nothing_ about CP, and will have to learn how to take care of Chris, and will have to teach their kids how to take care of him?"

As Buck talks, Eddie knows he's right - he knows that this is why he's held off on asking Bobby. He knows that as much as he likes the idea of Bobby and Athena raising Christopher on paper, it hurts his heart to think of Christopher's whole world upending itself.

"I'd get a place near Chris's school." Buck continues, determination setting in. "I've been to your place a million times Eddie, I know how to make it accessible for Christopher. And Carla would help me. Or, if you wanted, I'd move into your place so Chris didn't have to move. I don't care. You're right - I'm not settled. That means that Christopher wouldn't have to compromise for me - I could be whatever and whoever he needed me to be." 

"And what about if you do settle?" Eddie raises a challenging brow. "What're you going to do if you meet someone?"

"I would explain on the first date 'Oh by the way I've agreed to raise my best friend's kid if anything happens to him so you're either on board with that or there's the door.'"

"Funny."

"I'm not kidding, Eddie." Buck's eyes are wide and earnest.

Eddie sighs. He knows that deep down, this is what _he_ wants. He wants to write Buck's name down on that piece of paper. Just the thought of doing it relaxes that piece of his brain that's been tight with anxiety every time he's been out on a call. 

But that's the problem. Every time he's been out on a call... Buck's been right next to him.

"Okay, you're right." Eddie leans against the glass. Buck jerks in surprise, but Eddie's not done. "Honestly, I do like the idea of you taking care of him if anything were to happen to me. That's really not the issue here. The issue is, who would take care of him if something happened to _you_."

Buck's still clearly grappling with the shock of Eddie conceding to his pitch. "Uh - I mean, wouldn't that be an issue with anyone else? There'd be a chain of guardianship, right?"

"Nobody else dangles themselves off of burning buildings for a living. Not even Bobby." 

"Oh." Buck shrugs, casual. "Well I'd stop doing that."

"Just like that."

"Yeah. I'd find something else to do with my life."

Eddie nearly falls over. "You can't be serious. _Mr._ _I'm going to sue the city to get my job back because I love firefighting so much it's the only worthwhile thing I've done with my life ever._ "

"I thought we agreed to stop bringing that up?"

"I'm not bitching about the lawsuit, I'm just pointing out that there's no way you'd give up the most important thing in your life."

"It's not." Buck shakes his head at Eddie's incredulous look. "It's not the most important thing in my life. You guys are. Christopher, Maddie, Hen, Chimney, Bobby, _you..._ You're more important to me than this job."

"And we're your co-workers - well, most of us. You wouldn't get to be around everyone all day anymore."

"Eddie..." Buck drops his head. "If you died... _especially_ if you died on a call? Honestly I don't know if I'd want to do this job anymore."

The air in the room is suddenly stifling. Eddie wants to respond - to say something. Anything. But he can't think of the words.

"You know everyone thought you were dead?" Buck looks back up, meeting Eddie dead in the eyes. "They wouldn't admit it, but they did. I could tell. And I didn't want to believe it, I wanted to dig you out, but we couldn't with all the wet earth. And we were organizing a search party but it had been so long and I just started thinking _'he's drowned, there's no way he can survive down there for that long_. And I started thinking about Christopher, and who was supposed to tell him you weren't coming home. And I wondered _should it be me_? But we'd never talked about it. Then I started thinking about Chris, and whether or not he would go back to Texas with your parents, or stay with your Aunt. And I kept thinking _God, I wish he could stay with me_ but I knew we'd definitely never talked about that so it wasn't going to happen, and it made me wish that we'd had that conversation. So you'd at least know it was an option. 

"But the other thing I kept thinking about was how I just... didn't want to do this without you. I don't know when or how or why it happened, but I just can't imagine this job without you. It's just not the same - every time I have a shift without you it's not as good. _I'm_ not as good. That's why I was so pissed off when you guys replaced me with Bosko -"

"We didn't _replace you with Bosko._ " Eddie interjects but Buck ignores him.

"I saw you working with her and hanging out with her and I was jealous. Because we work so well together, and working with you is my favorite part of this job, but I thought maybe it wasn't the same for you. That you just work well with everyone, and you only make me better and I don't make you better."

Eddie rubs his temples. "That's not true. Look, I've had a lot of teammates, and I've had fewer friends. And yeah, I tend to be a better team player than you."

"Thanks."

"Hey, you know what you are. But even in the army... I've never had a someone like youbefore, Buck. Someone who was always on the same wavelength as me. Someone to push me, and yes, _to make me better_. And your brain amazes me - sometimes because you're being a dumbass, but mostly because you think up ways to solve problems that I can't even begin to tackle. And no, it wasn't the same without you. Lena wasn't a replacement - she was just another friend, another teammate. You're my partner. But if something did happen to me... I'd hate to think that you wouldn't want to keep doing the job you love."

"Maybe I'd be able to if Christopher went off to live with your parents." Buck admits. "But it wouldn't be the same... and if you did let Christopher live with me, I wouldn't want to. I swear. That kid's already lost so much, if he had to lose you too? I couldn't... I'd find the safest job in the whole damn city and sit my ass there."

Eddie nods, taking it all in. "Like... a 9-1-1 dispatch operator?"

Buck snorts. "Yeah. Or a luggage attendant at an airport."

Eddie wags his finger thoughtfully. "You could work in a high rise on top of the San Andreas fault... in Santa Monica."

"Oh, good one."

Their chuckles dissolve into silence. Buck's expression turns serious again.

"I would die for your son, Eddie." Buck insists, all heart. "You know that. But you should know... I'd live for him too."

_Maybe it's unrealistic... but I just want him to be someone's everything._

* * *

They're in the dining room, eating Mac n' Cheese. Carla is home for the evening and it's just the two of them: Eddie and Christopher. 

"Hey Buddy, can I ask you something?"

Christopher shrugs. "I can't stop you."

Eddie laughs. That's become Christopher's new joke recently. "Alright, I guess not. Well, I was just wondering... if anything were to... Let's say that you had to live somewhere else. And don't worry, this is all just pretend, I'm not going anywhere. But let's pretend... I wasn't here. If you had to pick someone to live with, to take care of you like I do, who would you pick?"

Christopher watches him shrewdly. "Where are you going? Are you going back to war?"

"No, never." Eddie kisses the top of his head quickly. "That's never happening. But this is pretend, remember? If you had to pick someone to take care of you the way that I do - not Carla, though - who would you want to live with?"

Even though Eddie insists it's just pretend, Christopher scrunches up his face, putting a lot of thought into it, the way he does with everything.

"Could I live with Buck?"

Eddie's inhales quickly. "Do you mind if I ask why?"

He thinks he probably knows the answer - Buck is fun, Buck likes to play games, Buck is cool, Buck is awesome, he's a superhero.

But like always, Christopher surprises him.

"Cuz... when we were in the water he took care of me. Like you would. And he's always by himself. We could look after each other."

God, Eddie loves his kid so much. He hugs Christopher tightly, overwhelmed by his huge heart. "Okay buddy." He whispers, squeezing Christopher to his chest. "Okay." 

* * *

Buck watches Eddie out of the corner of his eye as they prepare for their shift. The last time they were in this locker room, Eddie had departed with an, "I'll think about it." And he hasn't heard anything since.

A persistent voice in the back of his head needles him. _You haven't heard anything because the answer is "no." He doesn't trust you and he shouldn't - you_ lost _Christopher, you took your eye off him for two seconds and lost him in a tsunami for hours. Your life is a mess, you are a mess, why would he ever trust you with his only child?_

It hurts, but he knows Eddie will do the right thing for Christopher. He can only hope that means Bobby and Athena, or at least someone else in the 118 that he knows. If anything happened to Eddie, it would absolutely kill Buck to lose Christopher too.

The alarm goes off overheard. "Better hustle," Hen shouts back at him as she rushes toward the engine. 

Buck sighs and rapidly finishes buttoning his shirt - so what if he misses a couple of them? He shoves his bag into his locker.

"Oh hey." Eddie pauses at the door, a small smile on his face. "Check your email."

He runs off before Buck can have a chance to ask him what the hell he's talking about. Buck rushes after him, the last one into the engine. 

Eddie catches his eye from across the engine. He mimes pulling out his phone.

Buck shoots him a questioning look, but does as he's beckoned. 

He scrolls through his email, past the countless Jamba Juice Coupons and threatening Duolingo reminders. His thumb pauses on an unfamiliar name - Angela Crenshaw, Esquire. There isn't anything in the subject or body of the email. Just an attachment.

_The Last Will and Testament of Edmundo Diaz._

Fingers shaking, Buck opens it. His eyes are immediately drawn to a line in the middle. 

_In the event I shall die as the sole parent of Christopher Diaz, then I appoint Evan Buckley as Guardian of Christopher Diaz._

"Buck?" Hen calls over the comm, causing him to look up. "Are you crying?"

Buck wipes at his eyes. "Yeah." He meets Eddie's eyes from across the engine. "Think it's a new kind of pollen."

Chimney snorts at the memory and Hen shakes her head. 

Eddie gives him a bright smile and god, Buck really hopes that the day never comes when he has to see this piece of paper in person.

But if that day ever does come... he'll be ready. 

Because that's what family is for.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this before 3x16 aired, then went back and added a few things so that it would be canon-compliant. But I ended up not adding too much because I didn't want this to be too Buck-centric. However, this story does work really well in parallel to 3x16, so I might post a chapter two that is Buck's POV, which will of course tie in his storyline with Red


End file.
